Today was AJ�s first day of preschool. Well, actually, it was just an orientation day. What happened was this: Twelve two-year-olds and 15 or so parents wandered into the neat and appealing classroom. AJ�s first action upon entering the room was to plunge his hand into the fishbowl. In seconds, his two teachers were at his side with anti-bacterial wipes. Very impressive, ladies! Subsequently we spent our time watching the fathers squirm as six little boys played with the Barbie beauty parlor while all the girls were duking it out for the pint-sized power tools at the workbench.

The rest of the session was spent trying to prevent the progeny from dismantling the entire building while attempting to listen to the teacher�s introductions and - what everyone wanted to know about - explanations of snack rules and regulations. For those who are not familiar with snack politics � as I myself was until mere hours ago � the process of providing snacks is fraught with peril. We received a very detailed list outlining all the snack dos and don�ts. I repeat it here in detail, so it may stand as a warning to all. Errant punctuation has been preserved. Names have been omitted to protect the guilty. Plus I don�t want anyone to find out I might not have total respect for the list. I want to be the cool mom. The one who brings the good snacks.:

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Recommended Snack List

We strongly encourage healthy snacks for our classes, please use the following list as a guide inchoosing suitable snacks for your preschooler to share with our class. Candy or high-sugar snacks will not be accepted. Thank you.

Apple sauce cups

Bagels with cream cheese

Celery with cheese, peanut butter or jelly

Cereal bars, fruit bars, granola bars, rice crispy bars

Crackers with cheese or peanut butter

Assorted crackers: Goldfish, Ritz Bits, Heads & Tails etc.

Fruit: Apples, bananas, grapes etc.

Apples with dip or peanut butter

Fruit snacks

Graham crackers

Mini muffins

Popcorn

Pretzels

Pudding, Jello, Yogurt, Ice cream cups

Vegetables and dip

*All snacks must be in their original sealed containers.

Excuse me, but when did they start pre-packaging celery with cream cheese in sealed containers? Not that I would ever show up with that. I�m sure the kids would throw their blocks at me. And how is it that rice crispy bars are not on the forbidden �high-sugar snacks� list? They make me bounce of the walls.

Yes, back to school time is the time I like to get all surly about rules and regulations.

And speaking of rules and regulations, I must send you to check out my favorite list of them. I sent this link to mimi smartypants last year and she ran it, but it bears repeating. When I was looking for a tiger-costume for AJ last Halloween, I came across this set of instructions on how to be a tiger

I was going to write a little more, but frankly, the tiger instructions are hard to top, so perhaps I�ll save it for another day.

I am a real tiger.

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