In an idle moment I was surfing diaryland�s recent updates and I happened upon a site entry that mentioned someone I knew. At first I thought it was a coincidence of name, but it became increasingly clear that it was more than that. I do not know the person well and I do not know the diarist at all � the diarist is the student of the wife of a colleague whom I do know very well. And the things the diarist said were all very positive. But it still made me feel creepy in a Peeping Tom sort of way, even though I didn�t mean to see it, even though there was really nothing to see and even though I have not intention of revisiting her site.

All of this has made me wonder about the weird notion of privacy we all have by posting our diaries on the web. Some seem to give out their diary addresses to one and all. Others post warnings to keep those who know them in real life away. I myself am still ambivalent, telling some and not others. In general I�m more concerned about the privacy of those about whom I write, but even then I�m not consistent. I feel much more comfortable writing about my son than about my husband, for instance. Perhaps because he�s so young and therefore by the time he�s old enough to find and read the diary, he would no longer recognize himself. But probably it has more to do with the nature of our relationship. But when I am responsible for him, is it right to feel I can write about him without his permission? Just because he doesn�t know that he can say no? That doesn�t seem right. But I do it anyway. I end up weaving in and out of introspection and description in a cycle partly fueled by my interest and partly by guilt of appropriating parts of my life that are not only mine.

And then there�s the reading of diaries. Of course there�s a voyeuristic aspect to it, but most are mediated. Many seem to admit to keeping multiple diaries, some offline, where the really personal stuff goes. It�s kind of fake voyeurism in that regard. It�s like hiding behind a curtain with binoculars to look at someone jumping up and down, waving and yelling �Over here.� There�s performance involved.

Even so, every now and then I come across something that is truly, rawly confessional. I find I�m not really comfortable with that level of intimacy from someone I don�t know. Funny, you�d think that�s why we�re all here.

The illusion of privacy is such a fragile structure and requires the cooperation of others in the codes. When I moved to Chicago, I marveled at the hostility, as compared to New York. It�s largely due to a failure of social conventions devoted to preserving a sense of privacy. In New York, everyone walks on crowded sidewalks and takes the subway. There are ways to stand and look that allow you to preserve one�s sense of private space, even when crowded like sardines into the F train at rush hour. Those who violate the �rules� are sociopaths and are dealt with accordingly with a different set of conventions. In Chicago, however, most people still seem to drive everywhere � our decision to get rid of our cars when we moved downtown was met with amazement from one and all of our acquaintances. The car leads people to expect more space, more separation. When that space goes away, it seems to make people more aggressive and hostile.

Anyone want to comment? Leave me a note.

Vis-�-vis blogs, here is someone who�s tried to codify privacy issues.

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