I not only made it out of bed and out of the house today, but I even left the town in which I live! The whole family emerged blinking, mole-like into the sun today, still wheezing and coughing, but quite a bit improved nonetheless. I had to take a piano exam (sightreading figured bass, for those who know anything about it) today and since we all had a serious case of cabin fever, we decided to make it a group outing.

AJ was very excited to �go downtown� as he called it, although the poor guy slept through the tall buildings and didn�t awake until we were just about to turn our back on Lake Michigan. After securing a parking place we showed AJ Jay Berwanger�s Heismann trophy and ancient basketballs on display in the new(ish) gym before walking up to the music building. I had deliberated for some time this morning about whether or not I would take the exam. It had been a week since I�d been able to sit down at the piano, because of my illness, and my preparation before that was spotty at best. But I wanted to get in front of the examiners to practice once under pressure. Although, as expected, I did not pass, I did better than I thought I would. One of the committee began his comments with, �Well, it�s clear you can play the piano, so�� This is actually not clear to me at all. It actually came as quite a surprise. Although before I could get to cocky, I said something about being �a little rusty� and the composition professor snorted under her breath, �a little!� Still, it was really only one type of situation I had trouble with. Unfortunately, that situation arose frequently in the example I had to read. But at least now I know what to prepare for next time.

The trial and failure of practicums (as the musical skills exams are called � they include aural dictation, piano sight-reading, sight-singing, orchestral score reading, clefs reading, and figured bass) is an important part of the culture in my department. We are supposed to take at least one a term until we pass them all. Most of us can�t take that kind of humiliation, however, and after banging out the few that are relatively easy for us put the rest off as long as possible. Few in an academically (rather than performance) oriented program like mine are really equipped for all of those skills coming in , and it seems that each of us has our Great White Whale. Figured bass is my Moby Dick.

In the old days, the committee used to be made up of the somewhat terrifying practicum director plus two faculty members who were close to emeritus status who volunteered for the job, apparently because they liked to torture students. None of that committee was sympathetic to the students and all were remarkably and naturally gifted with musical skills, so they often completely failed to understand our struggle. I would pretty much always come out and sprint to the nearest bathroom where I could cry tears of frustration in peace. I would inevitably find one or two others in there doing the same and we would end up drowning our sorrows in a beer at the local bar. None of us was accustomed to failing at much in our lives before this. We needed group therapy to get through it all. The committee�s more congenial now and the current practicum director is a lovely soul, a truly helpful person and a gifted teacher and musician. It�s easier to go it alone than it used to be, which is fortunate since my colleagues are long gone. It was still nice to see my husband and AJ�s smiling faces when I came out.

I also managed a brief, unscheduled talk with my advisor. He was very excited about the paper I�m giving later this month and gave me a couple of things to think about. He�s promised to get my chapter back to me soon and I�ll be on campus to bug him again next week if he hasn�t come through. And now, early to bed. My illness still haunts me and tomorrow morning AJ and I head to the local elementary school for his preschool screening. I�ll be interested to see what happens.

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