I feel somewhat obliged to respond to the latest motherhood manifesto to grace our bookstore shelves, Judith Warner�s Perfect Madness, but I must admit I�m not at all enthused to do so. I have not and probably will not read it, although I have skimmed through it while passing through the hefty women�s studies section at my favorite bookstore. Evenso, the book has been hard to avoid. Its review was plastered across yesterday�s New York Times Book Review under the big, red and black headline, �The Mommy Trap.� Or perhaps you saw Warner�s cover article in Newsweek last week, �Mommy Madness� or the million and one letters to the editor in today�s NY Times responding to an Op-Ed piece she wrote a week ago. Warner is being touted as the new Betty Friedan, but frankly, I can�t get past the fact that she just seems to be yet another woman telling me how not to raise my kids. Moreover, she�s another person telling me why I am a victim of society for being torn between my family life and my career. Apparently I really didn�t think it out for myself. I am simply a pawn of an unsympathetic government. Who knew?

When did having kids get to be such a drag? What happened to having fun? I happen to like kids and like spending time with my son. I don�t sign him up for every activity that comes down the pike because our lives are crazy enough. And I�m really not too worried about whether he�ll get into Harvard right now. He�s three. There�s time.

I started writing the above when I got a phone call that put any conclusion I was going to draw out of my head. AJ has been asking and asking to play with his friend N. from school. N�s mom and I have been playing phone tag for a couple of days trying to set up a time, but she finally got a hold of me this morning. She apologized for not getting back to me and went on to say that they got hung up at the hospital. Her husband, who is 33 and was, they thought, in perfect health, collapsed suddenly when the family was on a trip to the zoo last spring, three weeks after she�d had her second child. He was diagnosed with a brain tumor, which was subsequently removed, but they�re still doing regular rounds of chemo and radiation. She told me all this without sounding at all upset, tired or depressed about it, although surely those feelings are there. She simply wanted me to know before we came over. This family can�t be having a lot of fun right now, but you�d never know it to look at them. She talked about needing to keep things as normal as possible for the kids who, at ages 3 and not yet 1 are too young to really understand what is happening. N. knows only that his daddy has a boo-boo on his head. He doesn�t know that they have no idea how long daddy will be home to play. 33.

AJ and I are going over to N�s house tomorrow to play. AJ is plotting what he should bring over to show N. I�m looking forward to having a chance to hold someone else�s baby for a little while, and hopefully to find out if there�s anything I can do to help. Sometimes you need something to kick in the ass like a fluttering wildebeest to remind you just how lucky you are.
What? You've never been kicked in the ass like a fluttering wildebeest? Then click the above link and help raise money to fight cancer at the same time. Thanks, jo.

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