I�ve been spending a good part of the morning trying to reassure myself that my parenting instincts are intact. AJ had a major meltdown at his playgroup today, one that began with screaming at his friends and ended with him punching and kicking me and telling me to �shut up.� AJ is fully aware of the magnitude of hitting and kicking and saying �shut up� to anyone, especially a parent. He was clearly terrified at what he had done as I quietly hauled him off to the car less than an hour after we had arrived, strapped him into his seat and said our goodbyes to the other parents and children. AJ was sorely disappointed. He had been looking forward to playing with his friends for several days. He was so excited about it yesterday, that we took an evening drive to the playground where we were to meet to do a little recognizance. I know he would have calmed down in a few minutes and that it would have been okay, but hitting is a line that I won�t let him cross. No matter how well-behaved he�s been otherwise, hitting always gets immediate action.

He wailed all the way home that it �wasn�t fair.� Rather than lecture him, I pointed out that the decision to leave had been entirely his, that he knew that hitting meant a ticket home and he chose to do it anyway. He went quiet. He�d been so intent on the injustice of his treatment that it hadn�t occurred to him that he might have averted the situation.

After we were home, he had another brief meltdown when he refused to go to his room and I had to carry him there and shut the door. But eventually, he appeared sadly at my door and apologized and I scooped him up for a big hug and we both felt better.

I wish I knew better how to avert these tantrums. They don�t happen often and they only happen when AJ is tired. But it�s clear when they�re happening that AJ is out of control. He knows what he�s doing and he doesn�t seem to want to be doing it, but at the same time, he doesn�t seem to know how to stop. I know that at four there�s a limit to his self-control, but I wish I knew of a way to make it a little easier for him. And also for me � I�m going to have to explain the black and blue marks rising on my arms and legs to the in-laws at Sunday�s pre-Fourth barbecue.

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Divamel (no link, because she�s locked now) had a couple of additions to the summer reading recommendations. She wrote, �I have a huge mental stiff for Octavia Butler, specifically Kindred and the Parable series and YA author Diana Wynne Jones (whom I re-discovered last summer after loving Dogsbody all my life).� I was thrilled that she mentioned Dogsbody because I�d recently recalled the plot of the book, which I read many years ago, but couldn�t remember either the title or author. I�m going to try to track both of those authors down. Clearly my vacation reading is all decided. Thanks to all who sent suggestions!

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