AJ woke up at 5:15 a.m., already excited about Halloween events to come. I know this, because I awoke at 5:00 a.m. in high anxiety mode about all the work I need to get done. But while AJ is satisfying the urge that woke him up before dawn by attending his preschool Halloween party, I am distracted and engaged in active avoidance.

When I woke in the early morning hours, my first thought was that I had forgotten to tell my husband about a new job posting I saw yesterday. It�s a posting that sounds like it�s asking for my exact set of skills, which, since I have a somewhat unusual mix of interests, caught my eye. But even better, it�s at a university at which I�d really like to work, for a lot of reasons, that I can�t really go into here without divulging more information than I�m comfortable with. I woke up and thought, �I really, really want this job. What do I need to do?�

I know what I need to do. I need to get my work done and break out of this state of paralysis. But instead I�m thinking about things like this job and AJ�s party and my brother moving to Thailand, which he�s doing today. I�ve also been obsessively checking the website of a certain online news magazine where my husband has an article this morning, his first for that particular site, that�s generating a lot of interesting and opinionated responses both pro and con. Must focus.

AJ is oblivious to my angst. He went to school dressed as a fireman and was so excited that he didn�t even complain when I insisted that he leave his toy axe at home. I took tons of pictures, most of which aren�t any good at all, because a roomful of four-year-olds in Halloween costumes will stand still when hell freezes over. We were invited to stay to hear a Halloween story. AJ cuddled up next to me, nearly sawing off my ear with the edge of his red plastic hat as he tried to lean his head on my shoulder. The class acted out the motions of the story, which told the tale of a giant pumpkin and the cast of Halloween characters who tried unsuccessfully to pick it until they joined forces and pulled together. When it was over, I squeezed AJ goodbye. He smelled like vinyl.

So here I am again, faced with the open computer screen, the silent house, the space and time to work. Time to face the music.

[There was an entry latish yesterday. Click back if you missed it.]

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