spynotes ::
  March 11, 2006
Superlative

This morning AJ and I got serious about his birthday party, which is two weeks from today. We got up early and wrote out his invitations. I wrote the directions and phone number. AJ wrote his name and drew a picture for each guest based on what he thought they would like. He drew a model solar system for the triplets. He drew a cat for The Girl Next Door. He drew a picture of a kid jumping into the pit of foam blocks at gymnastics for his friend D. He drew a picture of two kids bouncing on a trampoline for his friend N. I addressed the envelopes and AJ sealed them with planet stickers. He worried for a bit that his friend Z. would be sad because his sticker was Pluto. "Doesn't Z. like Pluto?" I asked. "I don't know. But he might not like it because it's the smallest planet."

AJ and his friends have entered a hyper-competitive phase. Everything is about who is biggest and smallest, fastest and slowest. It is a world of extremes and everyone has to be one or the other. And in this competitive world, they have one thing going for them -- they cheat unabashedly. Almost-five-year-olds are amoral in this regard. Their only concern is being on top, so they will stop short of nothing to make that happen.

Yesterday AJ and The Girl Next Door were playing in the yard. First they were drawing on the driveway with sidewalk chalk. "My picture's the biggest,"� said TGND. That was hard to argue with. She had drawn an enormous, amorphous shape that took up half the driveway. "I drew the fastest!" countered AJ. This was also hard to argue with, as AJ's picture consisted of one straight line. They abandoned the chalk and began running for the backyard. TGND started first and was a good 3 or 4 yards in front of AJ. "Let's race. Go!" She said and started running. AJ started too, but there was no way he could catch up. For the next race, he made her start at the same time and place but made the mistake of failing to identify the finish line. He ran to his favorite tree. "I won!"� he yelled. "No you didn't!" yelled TGND. "This is where the race ends. I won."

Fortunately they do not seem to take these arguments personally most of the time.

Yesterday evening, just before dinner, we were out in the driveway again. TGND and her older brother B had wandered over and all three of them were drawing. B has been learning about the human body in school, which immediately made AJ love him. The two of them drew elaborate people with their digestive systems on display. TGND was drawing something else. "What's that?"� I asked her. "It's a woodpecker that broke his leg. See? And do you know what that is?" she asked, pointing to a line protruding from the woodpecker's foot. "No." "That's the needle. That's how he hurted his leg." Our driveway is now looking rather gory, littered as it is with body parts and impaled avians.

This afternoon we are headed to my brother-in-law's for my niece's 17th birthday. AJ loves going there because there he wins every time. He is always the smallest, the cutest and the center of attention.

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