Fairlywell says, "It is breaking my heart that there's nothing but lust left anywhere." And I am nodding my head as I read, because it is all very familiar. Sometimes I think that the reason I was so sure about my husband from the beginning is that when we met, he was reading a book.

That's the problem with dating (or even with not dating), really, it always does seem to be about lust. Actually, the bald-faced lust never bothered me as much as the pretense that it wasn't all about lust. And then why do I feel ashamed if I get whistled at and a little hurt if I dont?

I wish I knew why it has to be so complicated. But I have no answers, only sympathy.

* * * * *
I spent most of yesterday evening wearing 5 layers of polar fleece in an 80 degree room, shivering and watching the thermometer climb past 103 degrees. When I was done shivering, I was so hot that I wanted to claw off my own skin. Then I slept like the dead and woke up ready to teach at the pool. It was strangely disconcerting. Now, a few hours later, it hurts to swallow and I am somewhat reassured by my own pain. Nothing should be so easy as being sick only at night. Only bad things can come of it.

* * * * *

AJ and I spent the morning doing some Father's Day shopping and some birthday present shopping. He spent $10 of his graduation money on a pair of walkie talkies. When we got home, we reenacted a Veriz0n ad as AJ retreated into the woods out of my sight saying, "Can you read me now, over."

* * * * *
This afternoon we will rehabilitate the fish with stronger medicine and cool off in the pool. Tomorrow, at long last, AJ starts T-ball. Provided it doesn't rain again. We're hoping the temperature stays below the predicted 98 degrees. It is definitely summer now.

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