Teaching can be so frustrating. I am getting bogged down in explanations. Sometimes I feel like I can�t see the forest for the trees. I pick the wrong things to skip when I�m falling behind.

I wrote that last paragraph right after I finished teaching my class this morning. That was how I was feeling when I walked out of the classroom � like I�m making a mess of things. But then I started reading their homework and it�s totally clear that I must be getting through. Their second assignments are light years better than their first. So why do I feel like I�m doing so poorly?

I have to remember that I am my own worst critic in the classroom. I really have no self-perception there. I know that I should sign up to get video-taped, but I�m totally petrified of what I might see.

Ugh. I�m not going to think about it. I�m sure I�ll feel better tomorrow.

I was cheered up immensely by AJ this evening. He came home from school excited because his teacher had told him that our local fire station was having an open house this evening. After dinner, AJ and I drove over there to see what was going on � my husband, after a day of AJ duty, had earned an hour off. Every truck and ambulance was open for kids to climb on and poke at. AJ got a shiny black firehat and a badge. We walked outside to go check out the action behind the station, when the firemen got a call to do some work. AJ and I watched as they leaped into their fireproof suits and climbed on the truck. AJ covered his ears as the lights went on in anticipation of the sirens to come. After the ladder truck left, we walked around the back to watch as some kids got to try squirting an soggy maple with a fire hose. We avoided the man in the giant dalmation suit � AJ was rightly disconcerted by him. But we wantdered in and out of firetrucks and peered at assorted unidentified equipment until AJ ran into a friend from his T-ball team and abandoned me.

After a few minutes, we were herded back towards the building in anticipation of the arrival of the rescue helicopter. AJ and his friend were very impatient. �Why isn�t it here yet?� they asked ten seconds. Pretty soon, though, it arrived, announced by the loud whirring of rotors and an explosion of leaves into the air. AJ was freaked out, but the helicopter landed right next to our car, so we couldn�t leave right away. We walked the long way round and waited until they opened the road again. The rotors were still spinning when we got into the car. AJ took his hands off his ears and pressed his face to the window. �Wow. That is so cool!�

It was, too.

Now after a night grading in front of girlie, girlie TV (Veronica Mars, Gilmore Girls on video tape because we�re the only people on the planet without Tivo � Tuesday�s my one and only night of TV watching these days), a glass of Maker�s Mark and a purloined chocolate chip cookie (AJ and I made them yesterday for the group that sang in my class today. �Let�s make chocolate chip cookies,� he said. �But the oatmeal kind, since it�s for breakfast.�), I am feeling somewhat more human. And tomorrow? Tomorrow I sleep in. Ahhh.

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