spynotes ::
  January 18, 2007
Drawn and quartered

I can hear my neighbor chopping wood. It is snowing, but outside he is standing with an axe. I can hear it thud every few seconds. And for some reason, all I can think about is Fargo and the woodchipper.

* * * * *

I just got back from a cross-country skiing excursion where I tried out my Christmas pants. They were intended for yoga, and I use them for that occasionally, but they�re lined with light polar fleece and are really a little too warm for most classes. I have contemplated wearing them all the time every day because they are the most comfortable things ever. But I fear that it is a slippery slope giving into comfort, that afterwards I would find myself wearing green crocs and holiday sweaters and cat sweatshirts. And then the world would be a terrible place. So instead, I tried them out while skiing. I was concerned they wouldn�t be waterproof enough, but when I fell down � it was in the name of science, of course � I got up bone dry. This is a beautiful thing.

* * * * *

AJ has been reading a book of Bible stories for children, which he received for Christmas from his aunt and godmother. This has resulted in some lines of questioning that have made me a little squeamish, given my general skepticism about religion � I�m not opposed to it, but I like to make a distinction between belief systems and known facts.

�Mommy, did you know that God made rainbows? Did you know God made everything?�

My response? �Some people think so.� And then I launched into an explanation of evolution.

This reaction was probably fueled in part by the fact that when shopping for a birthday present for yet another of AJ�s friends, I was parked next to a car with medallion of the Darwin fish with a line through it on the back. �Idiots,� I muttered under my breath.�

�What?� said AJ?

�Nothing.�

�Did you know that I�m a gift from God?�

I sighed and decided to run with the doctrine.

�That�s right. Everybody�s a gift from God.�

�No.�

�No?�

�No. Just children. See?� AJ shows me the page. It says, �Children are a gift from God.�

�Then what am I?�

�You�re a mommy.�

�Oh.�

�Mommy, did you know that at the beginning of the world, it was dark and there was just God and nothing else?�

�They call it a �void� which means �nothingness.�

�And then God made everything.�

[Silence from me.]

�Mommy? Why did God make everything?�

�Why? That�s a good question. I�m not sure. Why do you make things?�

AJ thought for a minute. �Because it�s fun.�

�How does it make you feel to make things?�

�It makes me feel good.�

�Maybe he made the world because it was fun and it made him feel good.�

AJ nodded and stared out the window, lost in thought.

And that was the end of our theological discussion for the day.

* * * * *

Thanks to the help of Dr. Geek, I now have a new printer to replace the two printers that apparently conspired to shut down the family business this week by committing a double suicide (may they rest in peace). I have not yet set it up, but I am looking forward, for the first time in months, to being able to print without lighting a candle and waving my hands over the printer before feeding in the paper by hand. Either that or slapping it upside the paper tray and shaking it vigorously while using some less than incantatory language. The best part about the new printer? It�s blue!


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