Scene: The Chicago home of Harriet & Mr. Spy, early 2001. A very pregnant Harriet has come home from her office (mercifully a mere 2 blocks away) to grab a nap at lunchtime. Barely inside the front door, she hears the phone ringing.

Harriet: Hello?

Caller: Hi, uh, can I talk to Mr. Spy?

Harriet: I�m sorry, he�s not here right now. Can I take a message for you?

Caller: Yeah, uh, tell him it�s William Perry returning his call.

Harriet: William Perry? Can I get your number?

Caller: He has it.

Harriet: Okay. I�ll tell him you called. He should be back this afternoon.

Caller: Thanks, Ma�am.

Harriet: Bye.

* * * * *

And that, my friends, is my fascinating conversation with former Chicago Bear, William �the Refrigerator� Perry, who, at the time anyway, was working for his family�s construction company in Greenville, South Carolina. Mr. Spy was working on a magazine article on the �85 Bears. Needless to say, without the defining �Refrigerator,� I had no idea who I was talking to. I will say that he was very polite.

The only other Bears connection I have was with a one-season player named Lars Tate who sat next to me in my high school calculus class. When I told Mr. Spy this story he said incredulously, �Someone who played for the Bears took calculus?�

So while the rest of my house is very excited about the upcoming Superbowl, I give it a big �eh.� Although I was raised on a TV diet of football (no doubt why I became such an avid reader at such an early age), thanks to my dad who went to a Big Ten school on a football scholarship, even the football I ignored was college ball. Pro ball was ignored by all of us. I shall continue to ignore it. Starting�..now. Or right after I recommend that those who give a damn about the game direct their attention to this parody of of the '85 Bears' "Superbowl Shuffle," entitled, "The Superbowl Mumble."

0 people said it like they meant it