Three weeks ago several people expressed an interest in publishing my dissertation.

Two weeks ago someone asked if they could publish one of my conference papers as an article.

Last week I was invited to speak at a conference.

But today�s mail brought the ultimate recognition, proof positive that I have arrived:

Congratulations!

It is my great pleasure to inform you that you have been chosen in the 2008 Edition of Who�s Who in America �, which is scheduled to be published in October 2007.

This is a significant honor, an achievement in and of itself, that is afforded to very few individuals in the course of a lifetime. You are to be commended for the accomplishments and service that have brought your name to the attention of our Editorial Committee.

Oh, boy! All these years of being an unemployed graduate student with a less-than-stellar publication record have finally paid off! Apparently my impersonation of a graduate student is so inspiring that I�ve received an award! Or perhaps I�m being recognized for my superior parenting of AJ? Either way, go me! What do I get?

A proof will be sent for your verification prior to publication

A proof? That�s it? Where�s my trophy and my giant-sized novelty check? But at least I can put it on my c.v., right? I�m sure that will make prospective employers think more highly of me and I�ll shoot right to the head of the stack. No one loves a fake award like an academic.

I should probably thank the person who nominated me. I wonder who�s on that Editorial committee? What? The letterhead doesn�t say? Nor does the website? Where am I going to send this nice fresh batch of chocolate chip cookies? I guess I have to eat them myself. Come to think of it, that�s better than a trophy anyhow.

[Third entry of the day. Click back once for the tale of the Lost Weekend. Click back twice if you like Socrates. But Socrates was never nominated for Who�s Who in Ancient Greece, so why bother?]

7 people said it like they meant it