The Girl Next Door has become, for the moment anyway, persona non grata in our house. And strangely, it is not because of AJ's feelings, but because of my own.

Lately, she's been hassling AJ about his tendency to copy her. To be honest, I can totally understand her irritation. AJ wants to be like TGND and also her brother and he tends to mimic their turns of phrase and crazy actions in the way that little brothers everywhere do when they're trying to be bigger. AJ has no siblings, so TGND and her brother are the closest he's got. They are his personal social laboratory. But in any case, it's been clear that AJ's been getting on her nerves a bit this week and probably with at least some good reason.

But TGND also has some definite tendencies towards brattiness (even, perhaps, beyond that which is expected of just about any six-year-old kid from time to time). She seems to be honing a full-fledged diva complex. She throws dramatic tantrums when she doesn't get her way. AJ is getting very tired of it, but he also really likes her and is generally more easy going about what he does -- If he had to choose between playing his favorite game alone or playing something he wasn't so wild about with TGND, he'd choose the latter 99 percent of the time. So he tends to put up with her histrionics, sometimes to the point where he lets himself be a bit of a doormat.

Yesterday, however, the whole dynamic blew out of control when AJ had his friend M. over. M. is in class with both AJ and TGND and lives in our neighborhood, although not on our street. As far as I know, TGND has never expressed a particular interest in M., but AJ has called M. his best friend on and off since the beginning of the school year. They both love sports and games, neither of which TGND particularly enjoys, unless they are games of her own invention. And AJ and M are more temperamentally similar than AJ and TGND, or, as AJ puts it, "We don't ever fight. TGND and I, we fight a lot."

TGND decided to try to take M. away from AJ. She pulled every trick in the book. First she tried to get M. to go over to her house, which eventually they did. Then she tried to get rid of AJ. She was not successful at first, but eventually ditched him for a while by taking M wading into the creek. Both she and M were wearing Crocs and AJ was wearing tennis shoes. AJ got his shoes wet and had to go inside and change into water shoes. Meanwhile, TGND tried to run off with M so AJ wouldn't be able to find them. When AJ came out, he saw them leaving and simply said, "Hey, wait for me, guys!" M stopped to wait and TGND stood in the creek fuming. Then she pulled out the big guns. She started insulting AJ. "Why do you always copy me? You're such a baby!" M. rolled his eyes and brought AJ into the game and they all played together for a while, but TGND was still livid. "M's coming to my house tomorrow and we're going to go in the hot tub." AJ's eyes lit up. He'd never been in her hot tub. "That sounds fun! Can I come too?" he asked. "No, it's only for two people." AJ's face fell.

Just then, M's dad pulled into the driveway to pick him up. We said goodbye and TGND tried to stay in our driveway, pushing her way between AJ and M's car trying to have the last word, the last wave.

"It's time to go home now, TGND," I said, the irritation in my voice very thinly veiled.

"Okay," she said, not moving an inch.

"TGND, it's time to go home," I said more firmly. We looked at each other and she backed off around the side of the house.

Inside I had a talk with AJ about not letting TGND push him around. But it had all rolled off of him. He wasn't upset. He had had fun. I tried to keep my own emotions in check, but I'm afraid I may have made things worse. The drive to protect your young from whatever may befall them is powerful. Sometimes it's hard to keep my big mouth shut. "She's only six," I have to keep reminding myself. "This is what kids do."

This morning, AJ came into my room as I was brushing my teeth. "Mommy, can I go over to TGND's and go in her hot tub?" he asked, looking a little sad.

"Did she ask you?"

"Well, no."

"Well, you can't just invite yourself."

AJ was on the verge of tears. "But she's having M. over to go in her hot tub."

I put down my toothbrush and got down on AJ's level. "I don't think that's really true. She didn't ask her mom. And hot tubs really aren't good places for kids. I don't even think you'd like it -- you don't like it when your bath gets too hot and hot tubs are a lot hotter than that."

"But what if M goes?"

"Well, if she asks M and doesn't ask you, then she's not being a very good friend. She wasn't being a very good friend to you yesterday."

AJ nodded, looking a little calmer. "But can I go ring her doorbell?"

"No, not today. I think we need a TGND break this morning."

"Maybe later?"

"You'll see her at school. Then we'll see."

AJ and I went out to run errands and have a picnic by the river with his fishing pole (and a bagful of mini-marshmallows for bait -- thanks, Katie, for the suggestion!). Mr. Spy noted that TGND had been playing with the boy across the street and his sister all morning and had not come looking for AJ. Not once.

This is what kids do. This is what happened to me on my own childhood cul-de-sac, where the girl across the street would madden me by being my best friend, when it was convenient, and treating me like dirt when it was not. I got over it. So will AJ. But incidents like this remind me of how sweet and trusting AJ is, even for a six-year-old. He assumes everyone is following the rules and telling the truth and doing their best because that is what he does and he can't imagine anything different. It is so important to AJ to be liked and to be around those he likes that he loses touch with his own desires and his own strengths and instead follows, blindly sometimes. He will walk into this trap again and again until he is more secure in his skin. I did. We all did. But that doesn't make it any easier to watch. And I'm dreading the end of the school day today, because then, it will start all over again.

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