Thanks to spam filters, most of the spam that gets through to me has very innocuous (or downright incomprehensible) subject headings. So it made me giggle when this morning I got mail entitled, �Ejaculate like a porn star!� Kind of gets right to the point. No beating around the bush. So to speak. Er, perhaps I�d better change the subject.

[Prepare thyself for a remarkably inappropriate segue]

Today is kindergarten registration day. It�s freakishly warm and sunny out, so later this afternoon, with a wealth of paperwork in hand, AJ and I will walk up the hill, past the barn and cut through the path through the fence, past the community center and playground to his school to fill out even more paperwork while AJ pretends he�s already in kindergarten. I will have to figure out how to characterize AJ�s academic abilities in a way that is meaningful to someone else. What do I say? He�s been reading since age two? Probably. He likes Henry Huggins and The Magic Schoolbus, knows more about space than I do, does math problems for fun and can multiply the panes of glass in our front window (5x10=50) and the camels on his favorite T-shirt (7x6=42)? Probably more than they need to know. But somehow, I feel like I should take this opportunity to announce that I will be a pain in the ass if AJ isn�t getting what he needs. After all, the whole reason our district does registration so early is so they can prepare for the children who are coming in. But I�ll be nice, of course. I just want them to know I�ll be paying attention. If they�re smart, they�ll see that as a good thing. I am definitely more nervous about this than AJ.

5 people said it like they meant it