spynotes ::
  June 06, 2006
If I were in charge of the world, I'd cancel oatmeal, Monday mornings, allergy shots, and also Sara Steinberg.

i.
To the lady with five preschoolers, all screaming, in the adult section of the library:

Did it ever occur to you that trying to find the books you were looking for might be more easily done without 5 preschoolers in tow? It's not that I'm not sympathetic. It's just that it would never occur to me to drag 5 crabby preschoolers to the public library. It's a nice day. Go to the playground.

And if you do have to go to the library? When you decide to yell at your screaming preschoolers, please do it more than eight inches from my chair. As far as I could tell, I was the only person sitting in this section for at least 50 feet in every direction. And given the computer, array of notebooks and file cards and stack of scholarly looking books, it was fairly obvious that I was trying to write. I bet if you thought for a second, you could have found a different place to stand. Or at least moved on a little quicker.

I'm just saying.

If you do that again, I'm giving all your kids a boatload of candy. Then, good luck to you.

ii.
To the car that swerved toward me across three lanes of traffic, cutting me off, causing me to brake suddenly and nearly cause a multi-car pileup:

I happen to think this was a reasonable opportunity to use my horn, seeing as you tried to kill about 50 people. Apparently you did not, for after cutting me off, you switched lanes, got behind me, and honked your horn at me for the next five miles.

I am, however, secure in my knowledge that your blood pressure will most likely kill you before you reach the age of 25. If your inferior driving skills don't kill you first. I just hope you don't knock off anyone else along the way.

iii.

To the music professor who decided that the best way to present a series of lectures on the castrato was to provide free brunch for all attendees:

Please tell me you didn't serve sausages.

[Second entry today. Click back to find out why AJ is so excited.]

7 people said it like they meant it

 
:: last :: next :: random :: newest :: archives ::
:: :: profile :: notes :: g-book :: email ::
::rings/links :: 100 things :: design :: host ::

(c) 2003-2007 harri3tspy

<< chicago blogs >>