spynotes ::
  June 27, 2006
Floating

After another night of rain, which has left the back yard soggy and full of mosquitoes, the sun finally pushed through just in time for AJ�s swimming lesson this morning. Poor AJ. He�s making progress, but he just can�t see it, so he gets frustrated and then refuses to do anything his teacher asks. Still, today he put his face in the water and blew bubbles while kicking his legs. He was holding onto the pool steps, but he looked like he was swimming. He�s got the mechanics down, but he has learn to trust the water � trust that it will hold him up, trust that if he puts his face in that nothing terrible will happen. When RS and I were at the pool with him this weekend, he informed us that he was practicing in the water to be an astronaut because astronauts need to learn what it�s like to be weightless. AJ has to learn to want to be weightless.

A few days ago we were talking about how much he�d weigh on the moon. �Seven pounds,� said his dad. �Hey, then we could play catch with you,� I said. I think he liked the idea, if he didn�t quite believe it. But it�s a lot harder to give up gravity than it appears. There are some bonds from which we don�t wish to be liberated.

I think Ben Franklin Boy and AJ are going to have a play date sometime in the next week. They certainly seem to have taken a shine to each other. It would be nice for him to have another friend in the neighborhood. AJ needs to be a little less obsessed with The Girl Next Door. Right now, the mere ringing of her doorbell, if it goes unanswered, can leave him weeping in the depths of despair. �She lives next door. There will be plenty of chances to see her,� I always say. �But right now there�s NO chance,� he always replies, getting to the heart of the matter. Perhaps this is another bond that he�s unwilling to break. I think his obsession is not so much about puppy love than about AJ not wanting her to have more fun than he does. She has a brother, thus a built-in playmate. Therefore, his logic runs, if she�s not playing with him, she must be having more fun. This logic is, unfortunately, underscored by the unfortunate tendency she and her brother have for playing loudly outside just when AJ�s trying to take a much-needed nap. I have been cast in the role of head-jailer in this scenario and am very much resented.

And then there are my own bonds, right now the ones that tie me to the almost-finished dissertation draft, that I can�t seem to cut through, even though the loss of the burden sounds miraculous. It�s amazing how much we hold ourselves back, whether out of fear or habit or both. From the outside it appears illogical in the extreme. But from the inside it�s about feeling one�s way through the dark and preferring to find what you know.

6 people said it like they meant it

 
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