spynotes ::
  September 12, 2006
Out of orbit

AJ and I went ice skating this morning and for the first time, he actually had fun. We were supposed to meet a friend of his there, but they forgot and didn�t show. He was very disappointed at first, but he agreed to get out on the ice. At first he clung to the chair back, as he�s done every time he�s been out before. And he whined. I promised him that if he made a full circuit of the rink without complaining, I would give him a ride in the chair. That did the trick and he got going. We played that he was earth and I was the moon, as I literally skated circles around him.

After his ride, we asked the instructor on call if we could borrow a hockey stick. She came back with a stick and a puck and all of a sudden the chair, which AJ has fought tooth and nail to cling to for months, was history. He was unsteady at first but he began whacking the puck around the ice and soon the chair was entirely forgotten. The first time he fell down, I held my breath, expecting him to demand to go home. Instead, he laughed, flinging his stick out onto the ice. He got up again and shot goals for the rest of the session and skated around like an (almost) pro, falling sometimes, but mostly staying upright.

AJ is so competent at so many things that sometimes I forget how he hates to be bad at stuff. Things like learning how to skate are hard for him because he doesn�t want people to see him practice. I hate seeing him close himself off from things I think he�d enjoy if he gave them a chance, so sometimes I think I push him too hard. But I was reminded today that the thing to do is just let him take his time, keep pushing gently, and try to keep him from shutting down his options. I was so proud of him and more importantly, he was so proud of himself for breaking through his mental barrier.

* * * * *

I was really moved by so many blog entries on 9/11 yesterday. As a historian, I wish someone would collect all these personal reminiscences, so varied and yet so much the same. Years from now, the collective reflection would add a dimension to an event long past. By the time AJ reads about it in school, 9/11 will seem quite different. Less personal, less real. Maybe less scary in its remoteness.

* * * * *

The onslaught of emails from students and student-wannabes has already begun. Class starts two weeks from today. Meanwhile the job postings are pouring in. I feel so unready for all of this. I don�t do well when I�m out of the circuit. I think I�m ready to begin again. Except when I think I should run screaming away from it all.

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