I'm almost ready to move to my new address, but I'm finding that I'm dragging my feet about going. Just as I do when it comes down to the moment to leave an old house and move on to a new one -- a situation with which I am all too well acquainted -- I'm feeling nostalgic.

I first started writing here on July 10, 2003. By September 03 I was posting nearly daily. In fact, I'm only 10 days shy of an average post frequency of once a day for nearly four years, something I would have found remarkable back in July of 03. Hell, I find it pretty remarkable now.

I started the blog in part because reading Mimi Smartypants, who was a daily poster back then, made me want to write too. Hers was the first blog I read regularly, a habit I formed after RS536, a friend since college, sent me a link. Mimi used to live near where I used to live. Like me, she played the violin and read a lot of books. I found myself drawn into her world in part as an escape from the self-created chaos I was coping with at home, trying to figure out how to balance a baby and a husband and a dissertation and a career crisis. A few months after I started reading, I hit a point with my dissertation where I had to dig back into research and put aside writing for a while. I was afraid of losing the writing habits I'd developed. I decided to set myself a task of writing regularly and I thought that a public forum, where I might feel accountable, was the way to do it.

My first blog entry is short, cryptic and uncomfortable. I wasn't sure how to start. I wasn't sure what I wanted to say. I wasn't sure if I wanted anyone to be reading it on the other end. Eventually I figured out that I wanted to be able to write about the dissertation process and about my relationship with my son and how those two things sometimes seemed very similar in frustrating ways, as if I had two children jealously competing for my affections. As my blog reading list expanded, so did my writing interests and also my confidence. Lass was my first commenter, my first reader. I had stumbled on her by searching for other Chicago area diaryland blogs and put her on my favorites list, not knowing that she would be notified. She helped me find a CD I was looking for and gave me my first online social interaction, which for me changed the whole project. RS was my second reader -- I hadn't mentioned my blog right away as I wasn't at all sure I wanted anyone else to read it -- and she soon started her own blog.

I've learned a lot through blogging here. And I've largely accomplished what I set out to do. I've gained an obsessive writing habit. I've improved my writing style and obtained a fluidity that helps me in my professional writing. While I don't think much about posts after they're written, I have written a few that I'm really proud of. And best of all, I've got a record of AJ's childhood, something I hope he'll want to read when he's older and has children of his own.

I've spent the last couple of days (using the ridiculous amount time that it takes for diaryland to upload a post these days) transferring my blogroll over to the new place and I was stunned at how long it's become. One of the reasons why I've been loathe to leave diaryland is the ease with which I've been able to build an online network here. The list has built slowly, first by random checks of recent updates or banner ads, then by searching other Chicago area blogs, and later by clicking on links from blogs I liked. Several real life friends are now on my list. And a couple of friends on my list have become friends in real life. Even Mr. Spy has started to blog (Although he's not on my list, so don't bother trying to figure him out. Don't get me wrong -- he writes a great blog. But he uses his real name and I'm not yet prepared to do that, at least not until I have a job. With tenure.)

I've also been backing up my old entries into a word file. This is a laborious process that has also got me rereading old posts, something that is definitely contributing to my nostalgia. AJ was barely two years old when I started to write. He hadn't even started preschool yet. Now he's about to finish kindergarten and I'm counting the time to my fortieth birthday in weeks instead of years. In the mean time, I've jumped back into conference and teaching and am about to send out an article for publication. But some things haven't changed: I'm still writing the dissertation. Hopefully not for much longer, though.

I think the blog will rival the dissertation in length, however. After pasting the first six months of post into a Word file, I've already passed 200 pages. Clearly spynotes is an epic in progress. Of course, so is my bibliography.

Diaryland's problems have been going on for a long time. It can take me upwards of an hour to post these days, and I'm tired of paying for the privilege. (Although, ironically, my guestbook, which hasn't worked in nearly a year, has suddenly started working again). But just the same, I'm not quite ready to go. I'll start cross-posting in both places to ease my own comfort with the process as well as yours. I hope you'll follow me over there for the continuing adventures (or lack thereof) of Harriet M. Welsch. But for now, you can stay put if you like. I'll let you know when I decide to close up shop. If you would like to receive an email about my move, send your address to harri3tspyATgmailDOTcom.

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