Comments:

rs536-2000 - 2006-08-08 15:46:26
Men still aren't intended to be responsible for children. I am amazed that I still hear highly educated women talking about having their husbands babysit. Um...it's not "babysitting" when it's your kid. I promise to stop sending you this stuff.
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Claudia - 2006-08-08 15:50:59
Oh dear. Yes, I've commented on this on another blog (I need to cut and paste and read that again to make sure it's the right one but I'm pretty sure it is). Really, for me, the "bored" term is wrong. Children are never boring but, like anyone, too much of a good thing is not a good thing. Mainly, yes, I'm tired of these article lambasting women (WOMEN!) for admitting that this mother-fantasyland is not all its cracked up to be. No I don't love it every single minute. But, I also decided to have children on purpose and like to have them around. Even when I feel like I'm losing my mind. Because the smart part of my brain understands that they will not be this age for very long. And, yes, where are the dads? Where are the families like mine where mom has the full-time job and dad is a part-time-sah-er? But. Lemme read that article before I pontificate any more.
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Claudia - 2006-08-08 15:59:17
Yes. Same article. I take offense to a number of issues which I won't go into here. But - I wonder if this isn't something planted by the media to whip us all into another frenzy. Because these kinds of articles seem so one-sided, so extreme. This woman comes across as someone who had children because it was the "done thing" but actually doesn't like children. Even her own. I don't find that particularly hard to believe. There are many women who just don't like kids. I fit that SCAM description - make my own birthday invitations, bake from scratch,etc. But I do those things because my family did them (my parents are artists for gods sake) when I was growing up. And, more importantly, I like to do them. But I am most assuredly not perfect. I prefer my kids not watch a lot of tv but I do expect them to find something else to entertain themselves when I'm not in the mood to play. I do a lot of playing with my kids but I get tired. Not bored, tired. I miss just coming home and being responsible to NO ONE. Those days will come again. We can't expect everything to be the way we want it but perhaps our culture has set the ideals too high. I don't know. I've wasted too much space here already and I need to go pick up my kid.
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Harriet - 2006-08-08 17:39:53
Sorry about the broken link. It's fixed now. I think it is totally intended to whip us into a frenzy. There's not even much of a story behind it. I also agree about tired vs. bored. Physical exhaustion (which it often is) is easily classified as tired. But mental exhaustion -- the kind of exhaustion you get from fitting your adult brain into the world of a five-year-old all day -- may feel like boredom. I'm not sure if it's that the ideals of the culture are so high, or that its so willing to find fault with women for straying from accepted paths. Situations that don't fit the mold -- mothers with SCAM tendencies but who work full-time or fathers who stay home with children, for example -- aren't even mentioned, as if they don't exist. I find that disturbing. As for coming home to be responsible to no one, I hear you on that one. Boy, howdy. Someday. Hopefully not so long from now that I won't appreciate it then.
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elgan - 2006-08-08 17:56:02
Hi. I'm not even going to click on the link as in my case, it really doesn't matter anymore. My kids are past the point where I would worry about keeping all their waking hours occupied. I've been there, done that, and there were plenty of times I just wanted to hand them off to someone else so I could get some "me" time in. Of course, it was my choice to stay at home with them, so I only have myself to blame, and I think they turned out better for it in the long run, but you're right: children do have to learn autonomy with a gradual loosening of the reins (the more gradual the better, once you've let the horse run free, it's very difficult to get that halter back on him), but that doesn't mean they can't be left alone and unsupervised (when they're old enough for it, that is) to occupy themselves without parental guidance. Dads should be just as involved as moms. I have always felt that my husband and I were interchangeable when it came to child rearing (except for breast feeding, of course), and I think children would be healthier in their views of gender roles if that were the case generally. Okay, I've said my piece.
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Laura - 2006-08-08 20:23:38
I think the simplest comment I can make on that article is "cullshit". It's as if Ann Coulter had entered the childcare discussion. Blech.
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Laura - 2006-08-08 20:24:27
Or "bullshit" as people outside of Texas spell it. God, I'm tired.
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Erin. - 2006-08-09 01:03:30
I think that the real problem is a bit broader - not that children must be entertaining, more the idea that if you have a vocation, any vocation, you chould be so devoted to it, so passionate about it, that you are never bored. The idea that when you find the right kind of work, it's not work at all. So if I really love knowledge, I should never find numismatics boring; and if an architect really loves designing buildings, (s)he will never think that drafting is drudgery; and if you really love being a mother, you will never be bored by your child. I think you can even take it to something broader - that if you do the Right Thing, you deserve some sort of payoff, happiness and fulfillment...so that, contrariwise, if you are not happy and fulfilled you are doing something Wrong. But that's not how life works, and will never be how life works.
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Harriet - 2006-08-09 11:16:52
First, I like the idea of "Cullshit" or perhaps "Coulshit" to describe that particular Coulterian influence. Second, I think, Erin, your comment on boredom is a good one. There is more to say on the subject, but I think I may put it in an entry, rather than here. Stay tuned!
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Julia - 2006-08-09 12:15:33
Laura, I assumed you were being clever and had the same thought Harriet did. Harriet, regarding the twinkies - isn't it funny how everything's a metaphor if you're looking? I still have a spork in the mug of pens and markers on my desk at home, given by someone who, for a while, really GOT me.
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Kelley2 - 2006-08-09 16:43:42
Amen, ladies. No matter how much I love my daughter, there are only so many times I can show her how to insert the little moon-shaped piece into the little moon-shaped hole without going stark raving mad. It's not that she is boring per se - she's not even a year old, for God's sake; she's about as boring as the Carmina Burana! I had a life before I had my baby; it was interesting and fulfilling. Frankly, I find that putting blocks through holes is, indeed, boring. And we let my daughter play independently (although not out of sight) even at her age. Does that make me a bad mother? I may be proven wrong as she grows but I don't think it does.
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Julia - 2006-08-09 21:53:30
Non sequitur: Have you ever read anything by Elizabeth Crane? Given our otherwise similar taste, I think you'd like her. She's a Chicago author, too - even teaches at Northwestern.
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