Comments:

Smed - 2007-01-14 22:05:20
That is the hardest - the fine line between encourager and berater (if that made sense). I think a reason that I WON'T coach Katie and Kristin's sports teams is that I may be harder on them, and / or can't turn off coach mode at home. Enjoy the hoops though! Do they have three-pointers?
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Harriet - 2007-01-14 22:41:46
They don't have three-pointers -- there's no three point line on the court (although I saw one kid shoot what surely would have been a three pointer today). They use junior balls and 8 ft. hoops. They play four on four (because the coaches are out on the floor with the kids). They play in 3 minute periods, changing players every 3 minutes (there are 8 on a team, so theoretically, they just alternate, so the kids play a lot). Stealing isn't allowed and results in a change of possession. Forgetting to dribble, however, only gets you a reminder from the coach (some of the kids still have trouble with dribbling -- the balls have a tendency to bounce higher than they are tall). Out of bound balls also don't usually get called unless they hit the wall behind the basket or bounce into another court. And no team is allowed to lead by more than 10 points. They keep just enough rules to give the kids just enough rules to let them play a real game, but enough leeway that they have fun. It's a perfect mix for the age group. By the way, my husband feels exactly as you do about the coach thing. He sometimes has to get up and walk away.
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elgan - 2007-01-14 22:46:15
As I’ve mentioned before, the only foray into a team sport that either of my kids made was Buddy Boy’s one attempt at little league baseball. We never, ever made any comments about his play. We took him out for ice cream afterwards whether he hit a ball or not (usually not). To us, it really wasn’t important. In school, if either kid did badly on a test, we didn’t make a big deal out of it. Most of the time they did well, one fluffed test wasn’t the end of the world. As a result, they are not afraid of us, not afraid to tell us when they have failed at something because they know that we won’t come down hard on them. It’s not worth that hurt look, that feeling that they have somehow failed to live up to our expectations. Life is too short. Your son is playing basketball because he is learning about team cooperation, he is getting exercise, he is supposed to be having fun. A mother who turns it from a game into a battle strategy is not doing her son, or any of the other members of the team, any favours.
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teranika - 2007-01-14 23:04:56
I don't have experience as a parent so I can only try to think of why I grew up feeling so confident. I mostly remember my mother hugging me and always reassuring me that I was a terrific kid. If I think harder I can sort of remember being corrected...I think you have the recipe down when you think of praise.
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Hugh - 2007-01-15 15:14:15
Great post. I've seen the same thing with my daughters' soccer games, and I've definitely been guilty of it myself once or twice. My solution is constant self-examination ("What am I saying?", "How am I saying it?", "When's the last time I praised my kid?", "When's the last time I praised another team member?") If I can memorize the other kids' names, every yell, positive or negative becomes personal, and so I take much more care with what I say. And, as I remember from playing baseball and basketball as a pre-teen, kids are hard enough on themselves.
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