Attention area retailers: If you want me to shop in your stores ever again, please, PLEASE do not play any more songs performed by Charlotte Church or Andrea Bocelli. No offense is meant to those who enjoy this music. Both have natural voices, or had them. Both are being systematically destroyed by mass marketing and lack of attention to care and training of the voice. Moreover, to my ear, these people have nothing to say musically.

I�d rather listen to Florence Foster Jenkins. At least she had something to say. She just couldn�t say it. At all.

If you�ve never heard of Florence Foster Jenkins, and I believe that you would remember if you had, check out her performance of the Queen of the Night aria from Die Zauberfl�te. Alas, the site that refers to her as �Murder on the High C�s� seems to be defunct. Pity.

Jenkins was a wealthy woman with a great love for music and singing and a remarkable lack of talent. Her recordings are legendary among musicians for their entertainment value. To Jenkins� credit, she gave it the old college try. One website devoted to her quotes her as having said �Some may say that I couldn�t sing, but no one can say that I didn�t sing.� This is certainly true. There is an unfortunate quantity of evidence proving she did sing. She recorded herself often. This website offers a little more about Jenkins herself. Also, the listener reviews of her CD on Amazon are hilarious.

Of course, if you would prefer to listen to someone who actually intended to make fun of opera singers instead of one who did so accidentally, then Anna Russell is the woman for you. Her three minute Ring of the Nibelung is as funny as it is instructive. Anytime I see the operas, I find it impossible to listen to Erde without thinking �blue-green torso.�

This has been a public service announcement.

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