The migraine has abated, thanks to large quantities of Advil. This morning my old friend J. came over with her son B, who�s about nine months younger than AJ. J. and I haven�t seen each other in almost two years, which is really amazing, since we practically used to live together.

J. and I met when we were in grad school together (for those who have read my 100 things, she�s the one mentioned in things 95-99). She was several years behind me and so I didn�t really know her very well through school. Her best friend at the time was someone I really didn�t get along with very well and we didn�t have classes together. Our department being as small as it is, however, we had many friends in common. We met through one such friend who knew that each of us was looking for a workout partner. We met to go try out a local gym and discovered we had both just broken up with boyfriends on the same day. We figured that was some kind of auspicious sign for friendship and we decided to join the gym together and work out together. We both felt we needed someone to help us keep the workout commitment (although ultimately, most of our workout sessions ended at the Original House of Pancakes). We quickly became friends. We have tons in common. We were both violinists, both English majors in college who switched to music for grad school. And she grew up in the town where my aunt and uncle live and where I�d been going for visits for many years. She ended up moving into the apartment across the hall for me a few months later. Between us, we had the whole floor of the building and shared a glorified fire escape as a back porch, the site of many late-night cigarette and booze binges and gabfests.

After several years, about when I was starting to be disenchanted with academia, I felt the need to get out of the university neighborhood. This decision was fueled in part by the fact that my boyfriend (now my husband) lived across town and I was really tired of living out of the trunk of my car. I took a job downtown and a new apartment in Ukrainian Village. While the transition was a little hard on our friendship, we still talked all the time and pretty soon she started dating a guy who lived down the street from me (he�s now her husband). As soon as the weddings and the babies started to happen, things got complicated. She married first. She was matron of honor at my wedding. I had the first kid, she had hers nine months later. We bought a condo downtown. They moved to an apartment in a nearby suburb. We moved to our current location. They bought a house near their apartment. Geographically we�ve been drifting apart and the craziness of life with babies and toddlers being what it is, our friendship has too, although not from any particular stress. Just from lack of attention. I also think both of us have the unfortunate tendency to think that when a friend doesn�t call you it probably means they don�t want to talk to you, which tends to perpetuate silence.

It was so great to see both of them. Our boys are really similar temperamentally, both quiet, relaxed, polite (most of the time), curious, and really excited about books, music and trains. There�s something really great about seeing your kids play really well with kids of your good friends. It�s like you have the chance to witness a new generation, the cycle of life and all that.

We�re have a quiet family evening planned. We put the lights on the Christmas tree right after AJ went down for his nap, which is going to make him really excited. I�m going to blow off my book group�s holiday party in favor of staying home to decorate it and drink egg nog heavily laced with Maker�s Mark.

0 people said it like they meant it