I read an article sometime in the last week or two, probably in the New York Times about people who cry at work. The article was pointing out how this was particularly a problem for women, that many hardly ever do it, and that it was always unprofessional.

I don't want to argue with any of these findings. I find them unsurprising. There are a couple of good reasons why women probably cry more. The first and most often cited is cultural conditioning. In our culture, anyway, it is taboo for men to cry. Men who cry are seen as weak, embarrassing and, well, feminine. Women who cry are just being themselves. But no one should cry in the workplace, because it is unprofessional. So it may be that to be professional is to be masculine. Which brings me to the second reason why women may cry more at work than men. Maybe they are more frequently frustrated there � the workplace is not designed for them. It follows a set of rules that differs from the social conventions of being female.

These are all oversimplifications, of course. But it�s something I think about every now and again because I have discovered that I can be one of those workplace criers. I try very hard to be professional and it�s not like I do it all the time. In fact, in my last office job, which was essentially a crisis management position, I was known for being exceptionally level-headed. It also takes a lot to make me frustrated, but when I am frustrated, sometimes I cry. I'm guessing that if I haven�t figured out how to control my crying at this point in my life, that I probably never will (not that I won�t try). So instead I do my best to prevent myself from getting into situations that might trigger such a response. I've only actually cried at work once (at least in front of people), when my boss yelled at me in front of the entire staff for something that was actually her fault after I'd been trying hard to cover her ass but had failed. In that particular case, the entire staff, including myself and my boss, was female. But the rules were still the same. Even though I may have been justified in my feelings, I was not supposed to cry. Emotion is not supposed to have a place at work, even at a not-for-profit.

Taking control of one's crying is a purely adult action. One of the interesting things about parenting a small child is the realization of how many off-switches you acquire as adults. As adults, we know how to stop eating ice cream before we�ve had too much (except, perhaps, after an egregious break-up). We know how to stop playing and go to bed before we get too tired (not that we always follow our own advice in that area). And when my friends go home, I don't cry because I know I will see them again soon.

While I might feel I cry more than I would like in situations that aren't appropriate, my four-year-old son cries all the time for reasons that sometimes seem so trivial that they can be hard to comprehend. He cries when he can't have a second bowl of ice cream. He cries when a favorite movie is over. He cries when his friends have to go home, even the Girl Next Door, who is, after all, his next door neighbor and who is also in his class at preschool. These are not small, manipulative whines. We're talking great, wracking sobs. It's okay for him to cry, though, because he is only four. He doesn't yet know how to work the off-switch. He cries whenever he gets frustrated, because he is living in a world that is not designed for children and he�s not always comfortable with the way things work out. He gets frustrated more easily than I do and so he cries more than I do. And he is all ego. He doesn't just see the world, but reacts to everything. There is no such thing as just a toy. It's a toy he either loves or hates or has tired of. Everything he sees is filtered through its relationship to him personally.

I can only imagine how frustrating it must be to live in a world where all the rules are made by others who frequently don�t seem to listen to you and for reasons you don't quite understand. I'd be crying all the time too. Fortunately, as we grow, most of us learn how to turn off some of these connections, so we don�t have to think about them all the time.

There's a price to pay, of course. The more connected you are to your world, the more euphoric it can be as well. It takes very little to make AJ's emotion meter shoot up. A letter addressed to him in the mailbox, mug of hot chocolate, a trip to the playground can bring a look to his face that would make you think you'd just handed him a ticket to Disneyworld and endless credit at the toy store of his choice.

It's not that I'm advocating crying in the workplace, it's just that I feel a little sorry for those who are never moved to do so. Next time I find myself on the brink of tears of frustration, I'm going to try to remember that what makes me cry at such moments also allows me to rejoice when things are going well. If you are passionate about what you do, if you care about your work, there should be both. But I promise I'll try to keep it under wraps. Still, if you hear me singing in my office, you might want to knock first.

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