I belong to a coop grocery store near where I used to live some six years ago or so. I never sold back my shares, in part because I still occasionally pick things up there when I�m in the neighborhood, but mostly because I find the monthly newsletter so damn entertaining. The best part is always the �Suggestion Box� column, which runs requests from cards that shoppers fill out and drop off in the store. One gets the impression that the store caters to nothing but finicky and perpetually disgruntled, often over-educated shoppers. This may, in fact be true. It is, after all, in a University community that isn�t exactly known for its fun factor. The suggestions always run the gamut from somewhat educational to downright incomprehensible. In any case, my hat is off to the person who has to respond to all of these �suggestions.� Alas, this fine publication is not online (in fact, their website deserves another few choice words, but I�ll save that for another day). However, because I�m feeling benevolent (*cough* procrastinating!), I will share some of the recent suggestions with you. You may thank me later.

� Why on the photo display wall, are the general manager and assistant manager photos not identified by name?

� Today I reminded people in the deli department to use numbers. The personnel refused! This happens very frequently. And please get scones.

� I was in the store during remodeling, and I had to leave immediately. The power tools being used were way, way, too loud. I feel bad for those who were forced to work with this noise, and I cannot believe it conformed with OSHA standards.

� You have mis-shelved lingonberries. Lingonberries are not jam. They are Swedish, mother of all cranberries. Read the label!!!

� When I go to the caf�, there are always piles of fried food � chicken, fish, etc. Sometimes there is baked or boiled fish. If the fish always sells out, then the demand is always higher than the supply, which suggests that people want more baked and broiled fish.

� Adam should be wearing his name tag.

� Courtney in customer service is great. I�m a retired military member. She took care of the customers so smoothly and efficiently. She�s very professional.

� Please get Stripples.

[The actual response: �Do you have an empty package? It would help us in our search to find a vendor.� Translation: What the f**k is it?]

0 people said it like they meant it