Thanks to all of you who commented on my last entry. You made my day and cheered me up immensely. Momzilla has been placated, at least in the sleep department. She�s currently on a rampage in the media division, however, as our satellite dish company has suddenly removed the channels we watch most frequently, due to a dispute with Viacom. I can live without my nightly dose of the Daily Show, but AJ�s going to be mighty unhappy when he discovers that Little Bear is not on this afternoon. We also lost our local CBS channel. The only advantage to all of this is that I actually have a legitimate excuse to call someone up and yell, "I want my MTV!" For our duress, we are being compensated a mighty $1 a month until the dispute is resolved. This shouldn�t be a big deal, as we�re not huge TV watchers in this house, but I�m in the mood for ass-kicking, so the executives at Dish Network and Viacom will probably be hearing from me.

Then again, I may choose complaint over action. Sometimes it�s satisfying just to have a reason to kvetch. My husband, however, is tired of my whining about the small print in the articles I�m reading for my dissertation and has requested that I purchase a magnifying glass. He�s right of course. Imagine a full-page newspaper column reduced to the length of standard 8-1/2� by 11� paper. Small, yes? Then imagine that this column is made up of print the size of classified ads to start with. The result is type so small that my ruler doesn�t have divisions small enough to measure it. It�s so small that I can�t even tell you how small it is. It�s so small that my contact lenses have been known to pop off my eyeballs as I strain to read it.

It was surprisingly tricky to find a magnifier of the type I wanted. I finally discovered that I had to be shopping in the products for seniors section. I have to wait a week for it to arrive. I hope I�m not cross-eyed by that time.

While I am supposedly reading reviews and advertisements of the ensembles I�m working with, it�s hard not to be sidetracked by other advertisements, which present a curious picture of the times. An issue from the Washington Post dated 1871, for example, features an ad for Georgetown University School of Law which states the tuition at a mere �$50 per annum� (it�s now approximately $31,000). On the same page are ads for �Gentlemen�s Flannel Underwear,� train service between Richmond and Yorktown, and the following ad:

SOMETHING EVERY LADY OUGHT TO KNOW

There exists a means of securing a soft and brilliant Complexion, no matter how poor it may naturally be. Hagan�s Magnolia Balm is a delicate and harmless article which instantly removes Freckles, Tan, Redness, Roughness, Eruptions, Vulgar Flushings, etc., etc. So delicate and natural are its effects that its use is not suspected by anybody.

No lady has the right to present a disfigured face in society when the Magnolia Balm is sold by all druggists for 75 cents.

Perhaps an application of this miracle balm will be necessary to prevent any �Vulgar Flushings� following my rant to Dish Network and Viacom. Although I have to say that in the history of the American women�s movement I�ve been reading lately, the systematic denial of rights to women is outlined in detail, but nowhere have I seen reference to the denial of the right to �present a disfigured face in society.� Unkempt women of America, stand up and demand your right to appear in public without makeup! Your right to appear with freckles and a tan! Your right to suffer from vulgar flushings without being confined to your home!

This has been a public service announcement.

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