My favorite episode of Seinfeld was always Serenity Now!. George�s father, at the suggestion of his doctor, has been listening to a relaxation tape to try to lower his blood pressure. However, he seems to have missed the point, for at each moment of provocation, he doesn�t quietly meditation on the thought �serenity now� but screams it at the top of his lungs.

It�s been that kind of morning. I get frustrated when other people tell us what a nice little boy we have and how we don�t know what a tantrum is because he is so well-behaved. That�s just because he saves the really big ones for deployment at home (for which I am grateful, I suppose). I was finally pushed to my limit today. When you start feeling a twinge of sympathy for people who hit their children, it�s definitely time to leave the room. SERENITY NOW!

By the way, does anyone know how to get crayon off a wall?

The crayon itself is aggravating, but no big deal. Par for the course with a toddler, really. But it�s the way it got there that hurts. If it came out of an overly enthusiastic burst of creativity, I wouldn�t mind so much. But it came out of open hostility toward me. I know I shouldn�t, but it�s hard not to take it personally. Nothing makes me feel like a bad mom like blowing up at my kid. Scaring your kid into behaving doesn�t make you feel like you�re in control. It makes you feel very, very small.

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I�m not in the best frame of mind to think about work at the moment. But I�d better get a move on. There is apparently an open tenure-track job at a community college near us to teach humanities courses. The sample course titles sound much more interesting than the average humanities requirements for community colleges � cross-disciplinary stuff, my specialty, with curriculum planning responsibilities. The position starts in spring of 2005 � perfect, as I should be done with all my school stuff by that point. They�re only asking for a master�s degree anyway, so I�m more than qualified, depending on how they feel about my teaching experience being in the somewhat distant past. It would be a perfect short-term position, really. But I�m afraid of getting stuck in the community college circuit. I really don�t think I�d be happy there long-term. Am I stigmatizing myself by going for a job like that right off the bat? Am I better off trying first for something more ambitious? And there is, of course, no guarantee that they�d want me. Still, looking at the ad, it would appear to be tailor-made for my immediate needs and that I have the background they�re looking for. I suppose I should talk to my advisor about it, although I�m nervous because my current chapter draft is so long overdue. This whole process is making me more and more anxious. SERENITY NOW!

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At least it is a beautiful day out. I learned that in the storm on Sunday night we got more than 3.5 inches of rain, most of which fell in a period of about 45 minutes. So it�s nice to see the blue sky again. Also, my order of perennials came, including twelve beautiful looking little strawberry plants that I will attempt to grow in large terra cotta pots on my front porch. AJ is enchanted with the tiny berries hanging from each little plant. Perhaps some gardening will be good therapy for us both.

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