I�m heading downtown for an all-day archivefest, without internet access. In posting so early, I have little to describe � how many cups of coffee I�ve had this morning (2.5 and still going), what I had for breakfast (Honey Nut Cheerios, which AJ calls �Honey Funnies� based on the back panel illustration), the most difficult decision I've had to make thus far today (whether to wear my foxy black sandals and risk freezing my tootsies in the over-air-conditioned archive or wearing warmer shoes but risk looking like a total dork) and other exciting details.

Fortunately for you, tcklypharsn has provided me with something to write about:

Question: How many of you, while being seriously attached, have experienced, at one time or another, a fairly strong attraction to another person? And if so, has it been one person in particular, or a long parade of passing fancies?

Next Question: Do you think that it is more dangerous to entertain notions of one person in particular than a parade of passing fancies?

Next Question: If it is one person in particular, and this person is a friend, would you say that it is better to stop hanging out with them altogether?

Next Question: If not, how do you deal/have you dealt with retaining them as a friend but not continually dwelling on the crush?

1. The answer to question one is yes, once. The person in question was a very close friend whom I�d known far longer than the person to whom I was attached. There had always been a strong attraction between us, but one or the other of us was always involved, which was probably just as well. While attraction counts for a lot, it does not count for everything and in this case, I think there were some significant differences in opinions and priorities that can work in a friendship but would have destroyed a long-term relationship. The attraction came to a head when I was going through a rough time in my primary relationship and he was unencumbered. The attraction, clearly mutual, was never, ever discussed, but I�m pretty sure I could pinpoint a specific time and place where we almost acted on it but I got nervous and left. A short time later, he moved away and that was that. Still, he�ll always be a �what if� for me.

2. I do think that one person is more dangerous than a string of passing fancies in terms of its ability to destroy multiple relationships if one is not extremely careful. However, I also think that a string of passing fancies often can be indicative of a greater problem in the primary relationship that needs to be addressed by either working on it or moving on. Also, there can be extenuating circumstances with a single person, as in this case where it was someone I�d known well for a long time but had been in total denial about any attraction due to its complete infeasibility. Even so, the crush almost interfered.

3. I�m not sure I could say it was better or worse without knowing actual circumstances. In my case, we did not stop hanging out, but I was careful about the kind of situations we were in, mostly avoiding being alone together. In my case, if I�d gone cold turkey, I would have had to shut myself off from a large group of my friends, not just the one person. The infrastructure of the group friendship also helped keep us in line, I think.

4. I think I answered this part a bit in the last question, in that I tried to avoid too much one-on-one time. As for the crush, I enjoyed it. It felt good. It helped me feel better about myself while I was over-analyzing my primary relationship. As a result, I didn�t blame myself for everything, as is my wont, but instead was able to take an honest critical look at that relationship. It was something I think I needed at the time and ultimately it helped me make decisions about how to handle the problems.

0 people said it like they meant it