I took a last-minute trip to the city today to return to the Historical Society for the first time in three weeks. Although I�ve enjoyed my forays into other city archives, I�ve been chomping at the bit to return to this one. There�s so much more to do before we leave for vacation, for by the time we return, the archive will be closed for two weeks. My paper is due a mere two weeks after that.

In a move that runs rather against my natural traits to procrastinate and to have all of the information laid out before beginning anything, I have already sketched out much of the paper. I need to make sure I don�t feel too good about the whole thing, for the plugging in of quotes and additional details will be no small feat, but it is making me feel a little better about the state of my work. I have been facing serious separation anxiety about my work. I thought at first I was nervous about looking stupid � standard performance anxiety. But the real reason I�m not finishing it is that then it will be finished.

I suspect that most people who�ve worked with me in the past, particularly my bosses, would laugh if I confessed to perfectionist traits. I�m not always good with details and I frequently finish things late. But really, it is my anxiety over not having everything perfect that causes both problems. I lose track of the details when I obsess over them at such a level that I can�t cover everything. I put things off to the last minute because I�m afraid of not getting them right. When things are done at the last minute, there is always the excuse of, �Well, it�s not my best work because I had to do it at the last minute.�

My greatest fear, it seems, is finding out that my best work isn�t good enough.

True confessions today. Although none of this is new � I�m fairly sure I�ve written some of this here before � it is strangely calming to have written it. And now, to work.

But first, a link. A friend�s husband has written a condensed version of Lohengrin. A must read for opera-lovers and anyone who appreciates Anna Russell.

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