My basement office was even more arctic in climate than usual, so I packed my things and high-tailed it to the library for my afternoon work session. Unfortunately, there seems to be a half-day at the local high school, so it was a little noisier than usual. For the most wiring my ears to the computer solved the problem, but even cranking the Violent Femmes on iTunes was of no avail when a particularly vociferous and amorous couple of teens decided to take up in a corner near my desk. I tolerated it for a little while, but the giggling and groping quickly became irritating, so I got up and silently walked over to rummage on the shelf by which they stood, just out of sight of my desk. They happened to be standing right by the classical music section and instantly feigned intense interest in opera when I came into view. “Oh, I think I’m going to go look for that book over… here,” the guy said to his girlfriend, trying to be nonchalant. The girl looked puzzled at first. (He wants to look for a what?!?) Then it dawned on her. “Oh. Okay. I think I’m going to go look for my book over there too,” she said to no one in particular, seeing as her boyfriend was already making an escape halfway across the library. She wandered off a few paces behind, nearly tripping over her bell-bottoms, which were hanging off her ass. I grabbed a book about Toscanini and returned to my seat.

I’m not sure which of the three of us deserves the Academy Award for Best Performance in a Public Library.

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