I am having second thoughts about my first lecture on Monday. I have the first three weeks of classes pretty much laid out, although I still have to chase down a couple of recordings. But in trying to talk it through to myself, I feel like it may not sound as organized as it looks on paper. I can�t quite tell if my concerns are valid, or if they are merely manifestations of my tendency to freak out about things at the last minute when I finish them too early. It�s my way of exacting control over something I really can�t do anything about at the moment. I�m trying to be calm and am really hoping my first class goes well.

Meanwhile, there are plenty of other things to think about. AJ turns four on Friday. FOUR! He has been adamantly holding on to being three this week. He gets mad when you tell anyone he�s almost four or if you try to say he�s three and 362 days. �No! I�m just three!� I�m not sure what to make of it. I don�t think it�s a fear of aging, more likely a fear of gray area � he likes to have things clearly defined and labeled.

AJ will be getting his first bicycle. It�s bright blue with training wheels, black flames painted down the crossbar and a matching helmet. It�s cute as hell. I keep finding excuses to walk into the furnace room just so I can have another look. I hope he likes it. Just in case, he�ll also be getting assorted solar-system related gifts. After all the angst about the party, we finally decided to bag the idea this year. It�s just poor timing with his birthday on Easter weekend and me starting teaching Monday and gone at a conference the following weekend. I, of course, have been feeling like a bad mom, although he doesn�t seem to care much. We�ve invited his friend N. over to play on Friday morning � I think we�ll bake cupcakes and let the boys decorate them themselves. And in the afternoon we�ll load the car with presents and cake and head to my mother-in-law�s for a wee family party. They�ll all be coming to our house for Easter dinner. I�m thinking teaching is going to feel like a vacation after this crazy weekend (although not half as crazy as lass�s weekend is likely to be! I hope you�re successfully avoiding total insanity!). I just wish I weren�t feeling so nervous.

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