Today I have been reminded of the many incongruities of working at an academic institution. Take my office, for example. It is 55 square feet and holds a large shelving unit (3 square feet) and a baby grand piano and bench (taking up approximately 25 square feet), a ridiculously small table that is supposed to serve as a desk (less than 2 square feet, two splintery wooden chairs (3 square feet) and a music stand (1 square foot). There is a foot and a half clearance around the piano. The only way to fit both chairs in the room is to have them on opposite sides of the piano, which means you can either talk to your students standing up, peer over the piano at each other, or give it up and sit on the floor under the piano. There is no trash can here or, apparently, anywhere else on the floor, so huge quantities of crap have accumulated in the corners of the room. I hauled half a recycling bin full of trash over to the next building in order to clear enough space to put down my books. There is neither telephone nor internet connection. So during the two hours a week I am supposed to sit in this room and make myself most available to my students, I will, in fact, be less available than I am much of the rest of the day (I have been advised against giving out my cell phone number). If my students do come in to talk to me face to face, there is no friendly way to sit. If I need to change my office hours, I will have to camp out in some alternate corner of the universe, as I am sharing this ridiculously miniscule office with nine other people. As far as I can tell, having office hours is more of a barrier to teacher-student communication than anything else. But the piano is fabulous. Perhaps I�ll get some practice time in.

Other than the office, which is an oppressive space to be sitting on a beautiful afternoon like this, today�s adventures in teaching went well overall. It would appear that I have a very engaged class. They were willing to talk (after I called names off the roster a couple of times, which is to be expected), gamely submitted to singing in class, and seemed to have good senses of humor. I am klutzy when nervous, and today was no exception, but my fumbling with a pile of CDS seemed to break the ice a bit. I talk fast and get easily flustered, but there was nothing too egregious today and they seemed to follow what was going on. They have an incredibly wide variety of previous musical experience, which will make the first couple of weeks a challenge. I think it�s going to be a fun group, though.

I tried to call home to report on the class, but in an unfortunate Freudian slip, I dialed my mom�s number instead. I hope this awkwardness ends soon. I�m trying to be supportive of what she�s going through, but it seems that in her frustration she�s equating two unlike situations. Her hostility is seeping out of every pore. I hope this isn�t permanent. But right now, I have to say I have absolutely no interest in speaking to her for the foreseeable future. What had been feeling like a good day, has suddenly been rewritten as unsuccessful. I�m too old for my mother to be affecting my confidence this way, so I think I�ll be steering clear, at least until I get the situation in hand on my end. Sadly, I think this is the exact opposite of what my mom hoped to accomplish. I was feeling more positive after our initial conversation about things, but her anger seems only to have gotten worse. And I can�t tell if she�s still mad at me, or if I just happen to be in the way.

[Second entry today]

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