My husband left this morning to drive to New York and AJ and I are on our own for the next few days. I�ve actually been kind of looking forward to having a little extra time to myself. I can stay up late watching chick flicks in bed without disturbing anyone, cook all vegetarian meals instead of making multiple things to pacify the carnivore. But the house feels big and lonely this morning. This is the first time we�ve been apart since before AJ was born, and seeing as we both work at home, it feels a little weird and sad. The weather is a little unsettling too. The strong March winds are back and it has been alternately black as night and sunny as can be outside, rather like someone is flipping a light on and off.

If AJ is not too tired today after school, we are going to order him a real �big boy� bed. It makes me kind of sad � mostly because of retiring his crib, but also because it may now take some effort to keep him in bed. But he�s so excited about being a big boy that it�s hard to stay melancholy and nostalgic for long.

We spent weeks and weeks searching for the perfect crib for AJ. In our old place, a loft, the crib was in an alcove of our bedroom, so it had to be the right fit. I�m sure we�ll hold onto it for a while, in case we decide to have another child. The crib is not just a reminder of the past but an emblem of future possibilities. I know my parents kept mine (which was later my brother�s) long after they had decided not to have any more children. It�s hard to acknowledge when you no longer have options, even if that�s the way you want it.

And speaking of the past, it�s time for me to do some more reading in my 19th century archives.

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