My husband drove like a bat out of hell and got home last night instead of today. It was such a nice surprise to see him early, even if he did wake me up. He had a great trip and had many stories to tell about rubbing shoulders with assorted literati and media types.

AJ and I spent the morning at his new play class, which was filled with riotous little boys who spent most of their time chasing each other around the room at top speed, narrowly averting disasters at every turn. It was a lot of fun to watch. He�s just moved up an age group, as he turns three next week. Even though we�ve been in classes with all of those kids before, it was amazing how much more interactive they suddenly are, now that they are away from smaller ones. They play games in groups instead of playing next to each other.

I suppose I should be starting to panic about AJ�s birthday, as I have done absolutely nothing about it yet. I�ve never had to throw him a party before, as we�ve always been at my parents for the big event, since AJ shares a birthday with my father. But because of all the work my parents have been doing to get my grandmother moved and her house sold, we thought they needed a break from us this year. I have an abject terror of kids� birthday parties. I never much liked them as a child. I have a frighteningly good memory for much of my childhood, but I remember virtually nothing about my birthdays. I remember the year I turned 9, but I think that�s mainly because I got my first camera for that birthday, so the day is exceptionally well documented. And I remember my 11th birthday, because I got the flu and we had to cancel the party in the interest of the greater public health after I threw up into the cake batter. Other than that, I think I�ve blocked out all memories.

Adult birthdays have been much better. Perhaps it�s just because birthdays cease to matter as much as an adult, so there�s less of a risk of disappointment. I think I also have come to take matters into my own hands to ensure I have a day I enjoy. For several years a friend and I, who share the same birthday, used the coincidence as an excuse to throw a big bash every year. I�d spend days cooking and he�d be in charge of the bar. When we were both poor and single, it was a great arrangement. It�s hard to throw a really big party by yourself, particularly if you�re not in a position to pay for help or catering. This event was actually inspired by rs536, who, when we were in college, threw herself a birthday party so she could be sure she�d have the kind of party she wanted (it was a great evening, I think, although I must say I don�t recall much beyond a general sense of enjoyment and the presence of large quantities of vodka). Incidentally, she is also responsible for my favorite birthday. The year I turned 29, I was sharing her apartment while I was doing dissertation research. She threw a party for me, inviting friends of both of ours and instructing them to each bring me 29 of something. One friend brought me 29 cookies in the shape of letters that spelled out a birthday message. Another friend, a composer, wrote me a piece of 29 notes. I received 29 condoms, 29 Crayola crayons, and assorted other items, mostly edible. Best of all, it was wonderful to see so many friends of mine whom I knew from different areas of life all in the same room.

The friend who wrote the piece of 29 notes had also made my day one previous birthday, when I wasn�t even aware that anyone knew it was my birthday. We were studying in a summer program at a conservatory in France. We had been to one of the daily afternoon student concerts. I had stayed around to chat with friends and as I was leaving, someone stopped me and pointed out the crowd on the stage. They burst into song, a full-blown Bach-chorale arrangement of �Happy Birthday,� complete with personalized and fully rhyming German lyrics (an English translation was also provided for me after the fact). It was hilarious and perfect and was followed by an evening drinking at our favorite local bar-caf�.

In recalling these happier birthdays it occurs to me that perhaps the problem I have with children�s birthday parties is the lack of booze. However, seeing as AJ�s party will be almost entirely attended by family, I think I�m going to have to forgo anything too serious lest I embarrass myself in front of the in-laws. AJ, on the other hand, needs to have the day he wants. His only request thus far has been for a chocolate basketball cake. If you ask him what he wants for his birthday he will probably give you a vague "toys." In this, I think, there is little chance for disappointment.

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