Hi, my name is Harriet and I�m an insomniac.

(Hi, Harriet!)

I�ve suffered from this problem, well, just about all my life. But lately it seems to make me crankier and crankier.

It used to be that I could just skip whole days of sleep with no problem. But lately, one or two bad nights and I seem to forget how to do it. Then the littlest things become major irritants and excuses for wakefulness.

Last night, for instance, I was in bed by 10, having not slept well in a good week. My husband, who�s been sleeping even less well but who doesn�t have the problems getting to sleep that I do, was already asleep when I emerged from a half-baked attempt at doing some evening writing. I read for an hour or so. I notice I�ve fallen asleep when I am awakened by my large book falling on my face (by the way, rs536, I�m finally reading Fortress of Solitude and am loving it). I put the book down, take off my glasses and turn out the light.

I sleep for 15 minutes. Husband starts snoring. I wake up. I make him roll over. I go back to sleep.

I sleep another 20 minutes. Husband is snoring again. This time he�s already on his side, so I try to suck it up and go back to sleep.

I doze off for 5 minutes. I think I hear the cell phone ring. Then I remember it�s turned off and recharging. It turns out to be a particularly odd nose whistle from snoring husband. I curse him silently and attempt to sleep.

No luck. I hear the refrigerator kick on and off. Silence. I hear raccoons racing around the yard. Silence. Wait, I hear the ticking clock in the next room. Is it getting louder? I swear it�s getting louder. Maybe there�s someone in there.

I get up and go in the next room. I contemplate smashing the clock, sitting innocuously on the table. Instead I thrust it into a drawer and go back to bed.

I stare into the darkness. I shut my eyes and think I see light. I open them and see none. I do this a few more times fascinated with the wacky lightshow behind my eyelids. I think about the fact that I might be insane.

My husband starts snoring again. I fumble noisily in my nightstand drawer for earplugs for about a half an hour. I curse when I can only find one, not so inaudibly this time. Husband wakes up. I apologize and explain the problem. He apologizes too and moves to the guest room with his pillow. I turn on the light and work on a crossword puzzle.

I start feeling sleepy. I turn off the light. I�m thirsty. My water glass is empty. I turn on the light. Husband has left his glass behind. I roll over, drink his water, and turn off the light. Silence. I wonder what time it is. I look at the clock. It�s 2 a.m. I start to panic. I�m not asleep yet! And AJ will, in all likelihood be up in 3 hours!

I turn the light on. I read some more. My eyes hurt. I turn the light off. I hear the birds start chirping. Goddamnitalltohell!

I turn the lights on, dump everything out of my nightstand drawer onto the floor and find two earplugs. Success at last!

I fall asleep and have a weird dream where I�m having a lunch meeting with a creepy guy who sang in a choir with me about 10 years ago. He keeps spilling things on me. Finally I say, I give up. Why don�t I just jump into this vat of gray paint, which is exactly what I do. I�m so weirded out that I wake up. Again.

One of my earplugs has fallen out and I notice more birds are chirping. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I put the earplug back in and go back to sleep.

I have another weird dream where I�m a creepy motel room and every time I leave the room I keep running into people from my past that I�m not all that happy about seeing again. I wake up every so often attempting to extricate myself from the dream, only to doze off and fall back into it.

When AJ wakes at 5:45 and yells for me, I�m almost grateful. I�m also a zombie.

I start sobbing in my morning cereal because the coffee isn�t ready. (Not enough coffee in the world�)

My husband the saint, who didn�t sleep very well himself, feels sorry for me and forces me out the door for a walk on a beautiful spring morning, then hauls AJ off to his mother�s house for the morning to let me try to work in peace before I doze off.

The first step is admitting you have a problem.

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