Normally I feel exhilarated before a vacation, but this time I�m feeling anxious and melancholy. There is so much to do before we go. There is so much to do while we�re gone. There will be so much to do when we get back. I would love to be able to stow away the computer and the books and articles and just revel in the warm ocean water and the sandy beaches, but it�s not going to be that kind of vacation. I just hope I don�t annoy my family so much with my pre-trip anxiety that they don�t have any fun. I�m trying to quell my natural tendency to promote calamity by making a lot of lists. Lists of what to pack. Lists of what to do before we leave. Lists of what lists I need to check before we go.

In fairness, while I�m extremely efficient when traveling alone, collectively we are a mess. There was the time we went away for a week and left the garage door open. Fortunately no one felt the need to wander in and run off with our bicycles or lawn mower. Another time we left the back door open. Not just unlocked. Open, with only the screen to keep the wildlife at bay. It was mighty cold when we returned. And lately we�ve been parking the car and getting caught up with AJ�s debarking and have forgotten to shut the car door. The first time this happened, I wasn�t involved. My husband had driven AJ up to meet me at the pool after my swim. The lifeguard came over, �I think your car door�s open.� When it happened again Tuesday night in the parking lot of a minor league ballpark, after we�d been away from the car for hours, we were a little more alarmed. But again, our fine stash of CDs was not touched, nor was anything else. Being a little anal about list-making of basic items may not be such a bad thing.

AJ has begun to assemble the things he wants to take � his stuffed caterpillar, his blankie, his bathing suit and Nemo towel. �I want to take my shovel and pail,� he announced yesterday. �Grandma and Pop have shovels and pails to play with there.,� I said, ever on the lookout for ways to reduce the stuff cartage. �But�I think I want to take my very OWN.� This seems reasonable. Rare is the opportunity to use them around here, as we never seem to remember the sand toys when heading to playgrounds with a sandbox. His shovel and pail have been gathering dust in the back of his closet for months.

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Today was my last archival visit before leaving town. I was not very organized about it, desperate to find the most important things I could so I can mostly finish the paper while I�m on the road. I keep the same hours each time I go, but the time passes ever more quickly with each visit. With the thousands of period articles I�ve read for my dissertation � my bibliography is pushing 3,000 sources and may, in fact, be almost as long as the paper itself � I never get tired of finding new stuff. Nothing earth-shattering today, but every new read adds another spin on the story, another piece of the puzzle, a shift of color.

When I came out of the archive, blinking in the sun, I was greeted by the searing sound of military planes flying at top speed. I had forgotten about the Air and Water show. When I lived downtown, there was no way I could forget it. For an entire week before the shows began, the planes would be zooming overhead in formation, often turning around just over our building. I�ve never had the desire to venture up to the show itself. Crowds of sweaty people combined with deafening noise is not my idea of a good time, unless it�s a really good concert. Also, although I can be impressed by the skill, the pyrotechnics of the flight displays, at some fundamental level I find it all alarming. It is not my goal to be in close proximity to large numbers of military planes.

I commiserated with my cab driver, a Muslim, who regaled me with tales of roping Jehovah�s Witnesses into religious discussions. �I never lost yet,� he informed me with a twinkle in his eye before picking up his phone to deal with a mistake on his water bill. After hearing him slice through the water company bureaucracy, I am certain that I believe him.

Tonight I�ll be catching up on more work, making more lists. 1. Buy another cat litter box. 2. Water the plants. 3. Find a place in the car for AJ�s shovel and pail. 4. Think about burying your toes in warm sand.

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