AJ is finally sleeping. He hasn�t had a normal nap in several days, a fact that I�m hoping I can chalk up to holiday excitement rather than his outgrowing of the nap. I want the nap to stay. I need the nap.

He is wildly excited about Christmas, but is somewhat anxious about it too. This is most likely my fault. A couple of days ago, I heard myself, in a desperate attempt at quelling a viscious tantrum, use the Santa-only-brings-toys-to-GOOD-little-boys excuse. I cringed as I said it, but it worked. I thought all was forgotten. I was wrong. Today, as I tucked AJ in for his nap after a particularly cantankerous display at lunch, he sat up in bed and said, �Mommy, I try not to lie to you but sometimes I just can�t do it.� (He had told me he had eaten something that he had not). He returned his head to his pillow but as I turned out the light he sat up again and said, �Mommy, I just want Santa Claus to bring me some toys. I�m TRYING to be good.� Poor kid. He is trying to be good. He�s just tired from his insomnia. It�s a family failing, AJ. Welcome to the insomnia club.

AJ is not the only one suffering from holiday anxiety. I�ve reached that point in the holiday preparations where I start to get totally depressed about the whole buying thing. There is too much stuff. It makes me want to start handing out my belongings to random passers-by who look like they might be able to use them. I feel encumbered. But this spending guilt, coupled by directionless financial worry, although real is disingenuous, as I don�t actually seem to allow it to change my behavior. On the plus side, my annual shopping is almost done, although my anxiety and guilt over the whole process will probably last another month or so.

Meanwhile, there is much work to be done. In addition to my dissertation and my syllabus, I need to get going on an edit of my friend M�s paper, tentatively titled �I Desperately Need A Title.�

[Yesterday's entry was made quite late -- click back if you missed it]

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